Eeheehee, ahhaahaaa


I’ve downloaded the FF XIV open beta client and started making a character. Warning, this is about to get blunt. And it’s not pretty. AND it’s not a review, so move along if that’s what you’re here for. It’s a personal rant.

— I’m barely halfway through character creation and already I feel nauseous. The cutesey! It’s killing me! I detest the stereotype of the shrieking, cheerleader like “wooo!”ing perky girl-child-but-oh-yes-definitely-old-enough-for-sex female and, well, I’ve been bludgeoned by it more in the last 5 minutes than in the last 5 months. It’s so bad I’ve had to invent a new post tag for it.

— Yes, I know it’s anime-ish. Yes, I know that’s what the most popular MMO artistic styles are like over there. All I am saying is I’m more Ando Hiroshige than Curse of the Multiprick or whatever that movie was called.

— The music… oh good god the music… Torture me with that Bontempi-created plinkety plink for about 10 minutes and I will break down and tell you everything I know, everything I don’t know, and everything I can possibly pretend I know. In that sense the Final Fantasy tradition is alive and well.

And every time I confirm a character creation choice my… abomination of a character squeals and jumps and goes heeeheeeheee! haaahaaahaa! and I want nothing more than to just walk away. Before I do something terminal like shut down the client and never, ever touch it again.

I’m sure this will cost me some devoted FF-whatever fans. I just say it the way I feel it, and she is just not something I’d want to feel. Even if I were that way inclined it would make me feel like a dirty old man when of those three I really only conform to the “old” bit.

I didn’t really expect anything else — it is what it is and it’s Final Fantasy. In that sense, it’s exactly what I expected. It just hit me before I was sufficiently caffeinated (and therefore tolerant).

Well, back to it. For MMO science!

The things I do for you guys.