If I had a Hammer…

of Stupid Person Ownage (because magic wands are for sissies), there are several player-types in WAR I’d use it on today. Mostly observed in scenarios.

1. The “Go back to WoW” sarcastic god of the rapier-like putdown, often delivered 3 seconds into a scenario when, say, a hapless newbie healer (the only one on our side) says they’ll do their best to keep people alive. Seen in every game but WoW, which makes me wonder — what do they say in WoW? Go back to diku-MUD? I’m writing names down now, on my very own Averheim Asshat List. One day, maybe I’ll post them.

2. The “Healers don’t heal!” whiner. Usually, but not always, a bright wizard so incapable of managing their own mechanic that they all but kill themselves in the first 30 seconds. Stop grunting your little AOEs out for fire-points and your life expectancy will triple. Also seen in PvE when they intentionally aggro everything within 3 miles and then wonder why the healer stood by and laughed. Duh. If it wasn’t intentional… why do so many trigger-happy idiots pick bright wizards? Gives the whole career a bad name, it really does.

3. The “Order always loses!” whiner. Often resentful, occasionally sad, always wrong. Try spending a little less time in scenario chat asking why Order always loses and a bit more time actually playing. Alternately, keep win-loss records and see if the whine is accurate. If it is, maybe ask yourself if it’s the side… or if it’s the side you’re on.

4. The other archetype whiners — “Tanks didn’t tank!” and “Where’s the DPS?” Try spending a little less time worrying what other classes aren’t doing and a little more time figuring out what you could do better, mkay?

5. Last but certainly not least, the scenario drop-outs (“Go back to beauty school!”). Doing it in public quests is one thing — groups are easy come, easy go, even if you did just show up for the hero and somehow snaffle the single blue reward bag that’s dropped in 18 hours. Doing it in scenarios because you don’t like the look of the opposition, or the nasty but kinkily attractive Witch Elf took your lolly away too fast is the coward’s way out.

Thus, I smite thee with my Hammer of Stupid Person Ownage in the hope that the headache will be enough to keep you from any scenarios I do ever again.

Sadly the hammer seems to have run out of charges. I smite, and still they whine.